Monday, November 07, 2005

Lemme know what ya think!

This is in reference to Study Break Rant

She called me today and decided she wanted to put whatever is going on behind us and "forget it all happened". Sounds fine, but then I started thinking it could just make everything worse. The following is an e-mail I am considering sending to her. I am afraid I might start screaming if I try to talk to her about what I am thinking and I would probably say things I will regret. So, for both our sakes, I think e-mail may be better. I am at such a loss as to what to do, that any thoughts and opinions would be appreciated. Her roommate and I are frustrated and don't think pretending it never happened is going to solve anything. I am trying hard to to attack her or blame it all on her, no matter how much I feel it is all her fault. Though, I probably didn't help by not doing anything to imporove the situation.

I am all for putting everything behind us. But I have done some thinking and I do believe we need to figure some things out before we pretend nothing has happened. We are mature adults, so I don’t think playing pretend is going to help our situation.

First of all, if you feel I am verbally attacking you for any reason, I apologize. It has never been my intention to badmouth or judge you. I don’t want every one of my comments make you feel like I am attacking you or your actions. I have been told some of my comments have bothered you and in each case he mentioned, they were intended to be innocent comments. I know I can be sarcastic and make harsh comments at times, but I don’t intentionally verbally attack or judge. I am sorry if my comments seemed otherwise, but you have to let me know if something I say bothers you. I want to be able to carry on a normal conversation without having to worry about how I state things. If we can clear the air in that regard, I think the awkwardness and frustration may clear as well. If I have seemed quite around you lately, it is because I have been trying not to say something that may offend you.

Also, I occasionally need to vent about what is bothering me in my life. I feel as friends, we are allowed to do a little venting to each other. I have listened to your work, social, and financial woes for several months, and all I ask is that you reciprocate and let me vent about mine. When I talk about what is bothering me, I am not trying to compare my problems to yours or trivialize anything that has happened in your life. I feel everyone has a right to vent about something bothering them, no matter how insignificant or important it may seem to the listener.

When it comes to our relationship, I believe we both have our defenses up right now. I don’t know about you, but that makes me tense and I have a tendency to get unnaturally nasty and make some stupid comments intended to provoke. We are very different people with very different outlooks and goals. There are bound to be problems and misunderstandings. We may never be like we were before, but I don’t want the awkwardness anymore. I have been uncomfortable around you for several months and I haven’t known how to fix it. I admit there were times when I thought a good yelling match might be the only way to fix this, but I don’t want to damage my karaoke singing voice :).


Bailey said...

Hey there!
If my opinion counts for anything in this...
I think how you wrote the email is really good. You put all of the blame on yourself, and weren't like "you did this," or "you did that" etc. If you did it that way, I think all you would get is more defensiveness.
Also, I think it is pretty darn tootin cool that you want to recognize the problem and work from there, and not pretend that it never existed. In my opinion, if you did that, you would still have that awkwardness. Quite frankly I find it immature that she wants to just forget about it.
I think you know what you need to do, Chels, so I say just go for it! :)
Hope you are having a fabulous day! TTFN! Bailey

Chelsea said...

Thanks Bailey. I am glad you think I am going about this the right way. I am not good at confronting people and saying what I am really thinking, so this may be the best way for me to get my points across.

I hope classes are going well. I am sure you have midterms coming up, so good luck with those!

Bailey said...

Hey there!
Mid terms have already come and gone, which I am really happy about. Hope you had a good day!!!

Amanda said...

I agree. It sounds very non-judgemental and reconciliatory. I'd let the roommate read it first before you send it though, for a better perspective.

Chelsea said...

The roommate read it and approved.

I sent it last night and she replied this morning. She still wants to pretend it's all good. She said she appreciated my honesty, though. I think I am almost more angry now because she pretty much disregarded everything I said.

At least I did well on the test I got back today.

Lexsea said...

I thought it sounded very would be proud;)

Amanda said...

Well, are you suprised? There has never been any indication on her part that she would consider your feelings. She just wants herself to feel better.

Chelsea said...

Thanks Lex.

I am not really surprised. I don't even want to try to be friends with her. is it bad that instead of "be friends" my first thought was to write "put up".

Technomage said...

I know this sounds dense, but I'm a guy. What did she do? It's hard to give an opinion when you don't know what is going on. Explain it to me. Here or in an Email

Chelsea said...

It's not dense. I doubt I really explained what is going on. For the past few months she has been saying some very insulting things about me and accusing me of things I have not done. So far I have tried to ignore it, but last week she said some very insulting things about me that really upset her roommate. The thing is she has never said any of this stuff to me. Her whole attitude is starting to drive me crazy as well. She's negative and self-centered, which are two qualities I am not a fan of.