This is strangley fun!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!
Research on bread indicates that:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
This article was written by B.S. Wheatberry in a desert after consuming mass quantities of yeast bread then realizing his canteen was empty. (seriously :P )
Posted by Chelsea at Thursday, March 30, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
I can't believe it is already Friday again. The two weeks since I started working have gone really fast. It's not that I have done anything incredibly fun or interesting, but the days have gone quickly. I did the same experiment 3 times, with little success so I may have to try again next week. I did work with some of the frogs yesterday. I helped get buccal swabs for DNA extraction. It was harder than it sounds. It was also a little messy.
I better do something productive before I leave for the day. I drove today because I missed the bus by about 10 seconds and had to be in for a meeting at 8:30am, so I will need to get to an ATM before I leave so I can get out of the parking ramp. I bet it is going to be almost $15. I could park for a whole month for less than that if I had a parking pass here. Crazy!
Posted by Chelsea at Friday, March 10, 2006
Sunday, March 05, 2006
My mom taught me to knit yesterday! We started on a baby at, but we misread the pattern. Oh well. I think I am still going to try to finish it, but I will have to modify it a little. I think it will be ok. I am going to buy some knitting needles today, and possibly some more yarn and some fiber fill so I can make some bears and a dragon for my sis.
Posted by Chelsea at Sunday, March 05, 2006
Friday, March 03, 2006
I started my new job on Monday. So far so good. The one experiment I have done went well. Dr. Bartlett gave me about a 5% chance of having it work, and it turned out very well. Other than that I have been reading articles and grant proposals to figure out what kind of stuff I will be doing here. I have also been given a book on Xenopus laevis development to read, so I will have a better understanding of them before I start using them. I took online courses on bloodborne pathogens, lab chemical safety, radioation safety, animal use polices and surgical techniques. I still have a couple to finish on anesthesia/anelgesia and something else I can't remember. I also got to watch some microinjections of Xenopus eggs. I will probably learn to do microinjections in the future.
Thanks to Amanda and the hospital's Noon News I have a new project to channel my crocheting skills into: The Preemie Project. I bought a few skeins of baby yarn and have started on a blanket. I also have plans to make some hat and bootie sets and possbly some teddy bears and burial buntings, if I can make sense of the patterns. I may also make some hats for the UIHC's volunteeer services. They give handmade hats to all the newborn babies. Tacia said she would like to learn how to make baby stuff to donate too! If anyone else wants to learn to crochet, I will gladly teach you.
I better be productive for a little while. My PI, Dr. Bartlett, said she would stop by this afternoon, so I better look busy when she comes.
Posted by Chelsea at Friday, March 03, 2006